PUA Overdose? Empty your cup.

A professor visited a Zen Master, hoping to learn about Zen. "May I get you some tea?" asked the Master, showing the Professor into his den and offering him a seat. "Yes, thank you, I'd appreciate that," said the Professor.The Master poured the tea from a large teapot into the cup, and continued pouring the tea as the cup filled and ran over the side onto the table, and then onto the floor. The Master continued pouring the tea. The Professor finally jumped and yelled, "STOP, the cup is overfull, the tea is pouring all over the floor." The Master put the teapot down, and said to the Professor, "Before I can teach you about Zen, you must first empty your cup."

So first off, we've learned a valuable lesson. If you visit a Zen Master, wear your galoshes. But seriously now folks, what's this story all about? I see many people who are new to PUA take the same route. Often they start off reading “The Game”. They want to take the same path that Neil Strauss did, they want to learn every style of PUA. Soon they are reading every eBook and listening to every MP3 out there. This causes two problems. First, when do they have time to practice what they read? Second, once they have the chance, which style should they use? Some people end up with the full cup syndrome, there’s no room left to learn because the cup is already full, or overflowing.

So how does one empty the cup? I find meditation extremely helpful in returning me to “beginner’s mind.” This is the state of not knowing, just being. Forget everything you’ve learned and just be in this moment, totally free and without preconception or judgment. From that place of total freedom you can do anything. Even approach that HB10 over there.

There is a great deal to be learned out there, but don’t let it overwhelm you. Keep an open mind, and try to be spontaneous in your approach. Leave room in the cup for new experiences so you continue to experiment and learn.

To learn more about Zen meditation and meeting women, I encourage you to buy my book, “The Zen of Meeting Women”.

The “Pre-Sarge Meditation” – getting in the right frame of mind

Sarge – 1. verb: to pick up women, or to go out to try and meet women. 2. noun: a woman who has been picked up. Origin: Aardvark.

-"The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists", by Neil Strauss

Everyone has their own way of getting psyched up before going out to meet women. Here’s a special meditation I’ve come up with to get you in the right frame of mind. Try it out and see for yourself if it should be part of your pre-sarge routine.

Sit in a comfortable position. If you’re in a chair, sit forward and don’t lean against the back, just sit up. Hands in your lap or in the “cosmic mudra.” Eyes closed most of the way, but not completely, head tilted slightly down. Take a deep breath, then let your breathing become normal. Be aware of it, but don’t control it.

Be aware of the feelings and emotions you’re experiencing right now, in anticipation of going out to meet women. There might be good stuff and bad stuff, but don’t evaluate it. Just be aware of it. Perhaps you feel elated, excited, nervous, worried, anxious, confused. Don’t dwell on any one feeling, emotion, or thought. Just be aware of them, like watching clouds floating by. Acknowledge each one, and let it go. Continue to be aware of your breathing as you do this. Your attention will drift back and forth, that’s ok. Just come back from time to time to your breathing. This will help make sure you aren’t attaching to and getting lost in any one thought or emotion. Let it all happen.

You should do this for at least 5 minutes, and no more than 20 if you’re new to meditation. If you’re an experienced meditator, use your own judgment. When you are done, stand up and see if you are still in the moment, still in that space where you can be aware without attaching or judging. Can you carry this with you? Can you bring it back?

While you are out meeting women, at any point in the process you can just take a deep breath to revisit this frame of mind. It’s a great space to be. It is not something fake we are trying to use to cover up feelings. It is your own true nature.

One last note for those who are new to meditation. Don’t worry about whether you are doing this “right” or not, or whether you should be feeling some certain way. There is no wrong way. Whatever you are feeling or thinking during this meditation, acknowledge it and let it go. That’s all.

Good luck.