A Giggle is Enough

What if you decided you wanted to learn to fly an airplane, but you knew nothing about it? Would you just climb in the cockpit of a 747 and give it a try? What would your odds of success be? What are the odds that you crash and burn?

I see many people new to the “Pickup Artist” community trying to become Mystery or Style or Juggler or whomever overnight. They can’t understand why they hit sticking points, and sometimes assume it’s something wrong with them. The problem is, you need to learn every step of the process in a logical progression. Whether you use Mystery Method, Zen Method, or whatever method, you need to take it a step at a time and work on the areas where you get stuck.

For many beginners, the approach is the biggest hurdle, and for many “Master Pickup Artists” approach anxiety is still an issue. Working on this issue in isolation will help you build your “approach muscles” to the point that you can then concentrate on other aspects of your method. One easy way to do this is set a very easy goal for yourself. Approach women and say something, anything, that will get them to laugh, giggle, or at least smile. That’s it. After that if you want to just walk off, or say, “nice talking to you,” and walk off, that’s fine. Very low pressure. Just get the giggle and go.

You’ll learn a lot of things from this simple exercise. First, that you will get a positive response from almost every woman you approach. It’s amazing how friendly most women are. Second, you get a real buzz from this. It’s fun to interact with other people. Just by virtue of being human, even if you consider yourself the most anti-social person on earth, the truth is your brain is hard wired for social interaction. Tapping into that part of yourself feels good, even if you have to dust off some cobwebs first.

Finally, I think you’ll find that you want the interaction to continue. The nervousness becomes secondary to the desire to keep it going. How to keep it going is detailed in my book, as well as the many other methods out there. Pick one and study it. Once you’re consistently getting the giggle, you’ll want to start going for the gold.

Good luck.

Excuses, excuses, excuses . . .

The human mind is an amazingly powerful tool. But part of that power is the power to rationalize. It’s very tempting, and very easy, to let ourselves off the hook, not follow through on something we intended to do, or otherwise flake out. And after the fact, our brains go into overdrive coming up with perfectly logical reasons for the flake out. “Hey, the reason I overslept this morning and didn’t exercise is that sleep is really important for health.” Ok, that sounds logical. But logic won’t get the flab off. “The reason I ditched my plan to go out and try to meet women last night is I really needed to catch up on my email. I can’t just let it pile up.” Sure, that makes sense. Except it’s keeping you from getting the results you want.

Which points to a solution I’m going to suggest. The next time you find yourself rationalizing or making excuses, no matter how trivial, I want you to stop. Place that rational thought under arrest for a moment. Put it in a holding cell. It will be screaming that it has rights and wants to talk to its attorney, but just ignore it for now. Ok? Now ask yourself, what is my objective? Is my objective to sleep more or lose weight? Is my objective to check email more often or go out and meet women more often? Do I want to improve my socializing skills? How can I accomplish that? What path gets me there quicker?

Stay focused on your objectives. Back in high school when I was a band nerd, our band director had a sign on the door of his office that said, “Results, not excuses.” That sure stopped you in your tracks when you were coming in to explain why you couldn’t make the big concert, or hadn’t practiced your part.

Our brains are powerful tools, but don’t let the tool take control. Focus your mind like a laser beam on your objectives, and single mindedly pursue them. Let that laser blast away excuses and forge a path to the results you desire. You can make it happen. You’ve got everything you need right now.

Good luck.

The Game is Played in the Field

I was looking through my copy of Mystery Method and hit this section, which I thought I'd toss up on the blog for your edification.

The Game is not played on a computer or the Internet. It's not played in a book. It's played in the real world, with real people and real situations. Only through repeated practice in the field can we gain intuition and skill. Over time, these methods become habitual. Once internalized over a few disciplined weeks, it is in fact easier to keep doing them than to stop.

Focus on building your skill, not on getting laid or meeting your new girlfriend. Think of it like you are learning a new video game.

Don't obsess over a particular woman. Forget about that girl you have been pining over for the past three months.

Don't bother getting good at fixing things in the damage zone. It's easier to attract a new woman than it is to fix things when they go wrong with your existing target. (When things go right, attraction is created in seconds or minutes, and sex occurs in four to ten hours.)

Some good advice. He's actually packed a lot in here. Let's break it down a bit.
1. Get off your butt and go practice your game in the real world. That's where you'll really learn how to do this stuff.
2. Focus on learning and improving, not on getting laid.
3. Start fresh. Instead of putting energy into that one girl you've been wanting to nail, just get out and meet lot's of new women. Work on your skills.

All good stuff. I see a lot of newbies drawn to PUA because there's this "one girl" they've been working on, and they haven't made any progress, or they've gotten stuck. Nothing wrong with that, but what if you dropped her for a month and met 100 new women instead of working on her. Would that get her attention, seeing you with a new woman every time she passes you by? Would the total freeze out get her attention? Only one way to find out, my friends. The Game is played in the field, so that's where you need to be.

Good luck.

PUA Overdose? Empty your cup.

A professor visited a Zen Master, hoping to learn about Zen. "May I get you some tea?" asked the Master, showing the Professor into his den and offering him a seat. "Yes, thank you, I'd appreciate that," said the Professor.The Master poured the tea from a large teapot into the cup, and continued pouring the tea as the cup filled and ran over the side onto the table, and then onto the floor. The Master continued pouring the tea. The Professor finally jumped and yelled, "STOP, the cup is overfull, the tea is pouring all over the floor." The Master put the teapot down, and said to the Professor, "Before I can teach you about Zen, you must first empty your cup."

So first off, we've learned a valuable lesson. If you visit a Zen Master, wear your galoshes. But seriously now folks, what's this story all about? I see many people who are new to PUA take the same route. Often they start off reading “The Game”. They want to take the same path that Neil Strauss did, they want to learn every style of PUA. Soon they are reading every eBook and listening to every MP3 out there. This causes two problems. First, when do they have time to practice what they read? Second, once they have the chance, which style should they use? Some people end up with the full cup syndrome, there’s no room left to learn because the cup is already full, or overflowing.

So how does one empty the cup? I find meditation extremely helpful in returning me to “beginner’s mind.” This is the state of not knowing, just being. Forget everything you’ve learned and just be in this moment, totally free and without preconception or judgment. From that place of total freedom you can do anything. Even approach that HB10 over there.

There is a great deal to be learned out there, but don’t let it overwhelm you. Keep an open mind, and try to be spontaneous in your approach. Leave room in the cup for new experiences so you continue to experiment and learn.

To learn more about Zen meditation and meeting women, I encourage you to buy my book, “The Zen of Meeting Women”.

Which opener is right for you?

There are lots of tried and true openers out there. For some people, having a memorized opener is essential, or they fear they will freeze up. I'm all for using what works for you, but it's important at some point to start coming up with your own openers. In the end, the best openers are the ones you come up with yourself, in the moment. You look over, see a woman you want to meet, and notice something about her, the location, or what she's doing that you can riff on. To use a simple example, you see her putting on lipstick. You could say, "hey, when you're done with that can I use it?" Smile so she knows your joking.

Try to wean yourself off the canned opener and start coming up with something organic to the situation. These will always feel more natural and knowing you can do this anytime, anywhere, will help build your confidence.

Good luck!

To Neg or not to Neg

"Negging" is playful teasing of the girl you're interested in. It's commonly used in a situation where she is with her friends, and you're trying to get her "shield" down by playing like you aren't interested in her. It can also be used to create a playful dynamic with her. But for many people, negging just backfires. The girl feels insulted and loses interest.

So that brings us to the question, to Neg or not to Neg?

Consider just not negging at all. I think negging is over-rated and frequently done wrong. You need to establish the right playful dynamic and have some foundation of attractio and comfort built before you throw a neg. And at that point, why bother? In other words, there really is no good time for a neg. Again, just my opinion.

Mystery, one of the most famous of the pickup artists, uses negs all the time and has success with them (unless you measure success as long term relationships, based on The Game). If you watch Mystery in action, you can see that he creates a context in which a neg will be taken the right way, he's acting like a big brother when he does it. This is hard to pull off right. If you can do it, it establishes a closeness because only someone close to you would dare throw a neg.

But for most people I would advise not using negs. I think there are other safer and easier ways to establish a quick connection that feel more natural for more people.

If negs are working for you, go for it. But if you're pissing girls off with your negs, I'd leave it behind and work on other parts of your game.

Good luck.